Judge Less & Empathize More!

Incident 1:

My cousin did love marriage against her parents wish some twenty years before. I saw her parents cry and other chaos in the family after that incident. I couldn’t accept her love marriage at that time.

Incident 2:
One of my good friends was single till 32 and that’s not an acceptable age to stay unmarried for a girl in our society. For some reason or the other she was refusing all alliances. She is very much good looking, highly educated and professionally doing great. So in spite of knowing her well, I thought why she is troubling her parents like this. Later she saw a (family arranged) guy, met him few times and as she was okay with him, they both got engaged. But during courtship days, she couldn’t feel the compatibility and so she broke the wedding. After three more years, she finally found her soulmate (through arranged wedding only) and living happily now.         

Incident 3:
Another cousin of mine got engaged to a boy whom her big extended family chosen for her. She was initially happy only. But when they met few times before wedding, she realized they are unsuitable to each other. She tried to stop the wedding but as many family members were involved in the process, her parents couldn’t help her. Now even after years of wedding, still her wedding life is not peaceful.       

Incident 4:
Another cousin of mine divorced her husband and she had a son already. I was an unmarried kid then and I thought she must have not have broken the wedding.

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But now I realize that I look at these incidents in a different perspective.

I definitely do think that knowing your partner is more important before wedding. So love marriage should be acceptable and no one should oppose it blindly for the sake of honor or society. Friendship, understanding, compatibility etc are the must factors for a successful wedding and we can recognize all this during courtship days. So be it a love or arranged wedding, if you feel this is not a right match, then go ahead and stop the wedding. Family’s support is very much important in this. So family should understand that wedding life is more important than a simple engagement and support your son/daughter.
 
At the same time all of us should realize that there are no 100% compatible couples in the World. We should try to follow this:

அன்பு மகளே!

கைகளை கட்டிக்கொண்டு முகத்தைத் திருப்பிக்கொண்டு கோபப்படுவதில்லை.

நீ வளர்கிறாய்.

தரையில் படுத்து புரண்டு அடம் பிடிப்பதில்லை.

நீ வளர்கிறாய்.

முடி வெட்ட அழகு நிலையம் செல்வதில்லை.

நீ வளர்கிறாய்.

என்னை இன்னொருவருடன் பேச விடுகிறாய்.

நீ வளர்கிறாய்.

கண்டித்தால் அழாமல் பதில் பேசுகிறாய்.

நீ வளர்கிறாய்.

உன் பொருட்களை பத்திரமாய் எடுத்து வைக்கிறாய்.

நீ வளர்கிறாய்.

எனக்கு முடியாதபோது ஓய்வு கொடுக்கிறாய்.

நீ வளர்கிறாய்.

பிறர் மனது நோகாதவாறு பேச முயற்சி செய்கிறாய்.

நீ வளர்கிறாய்.

ஆசை பட்டாலும் அடம் பிடிப்பதில்லை பெரும்பாலும்.

நீ வளர்கிறாய்.

புகைப்படத்திற்கு pose செய்ய நாட்டமில்லை. அந்த தருணத்தை 'வாழ' விரும்புகிறாய். 

இதை விடுத்து வளறாதே!

கோபப்பட்டாலும் நிமிடங்களில் தெளிவடைகிறாய்.

இதை விடுத்து வளறாதே!

அழுகையே இருந்தாலும் அழுது தீர்த்து தெளிந்து விடுகிறாய்.

இதை விடுத்து வளறாதே.

எல்லாரையும் நேசிக்கிறாய்.

இதை விடுத்து வளறாதே.

சிறு சிறு விடயத்திற்கும் அகம்/முகம் மலர மகிழ்கிறாய்.

இதை மட்டும் விடுத்து வளர்ந்து விடாதே! 

மகிழ்ச்சியை சில சமயம் மற்றவரிடத்தில் தேடுகிறாய்.

கட்டாயம் இதை மட்டும் விடுத்து வளர்ந்து விடு!!   

Ramayana

I have narrated Ramayana to my little one when she was much younger like when she was 2 or 3 years old. During that time I never felt a difficulty in telling the story to her, may be because I used to tell her only the outline / highlighted version of the story.

But when I now recently narrated her the whole story, I found it difficult to reflect Rama as a positive person. I think I am being judgemental about Him, in the first place and that is getting reflected in my narration. I cannot handle the cross questions from my daughter like why did Rama told Sita to get into fire OR how can He leave Sita without even informing her into forest that too when she was pregnant. I tried to tell her in a positive way somehow, but I don’t think she is satisfied with my answers.

But one thing I realised from the above incident is that my daughter is growing up like a girl only. :-p