Mother's Nature

Few make my baby cry

When they test her possessiveness

Then I pray for her matured ness.

Few make my baby cry

When they test if she is missing them

Then I sob inwardly, as a caring mum.

Few make me feel

When they compare my baby’s physic

Then I used to think they are out of psyche.

Few make me proud

When they talk about her brains

Even then I am scared coz of envy eyes.  

Motherhood

I was ‘me’ from my childhood.

When I got married,

Portion of me vanished.

When I became mother,

I reassigned as a care taker.

When my hairs started to turn gray,

(to discover me) I found myself pray.

Still I am not able to locate, 

Help me if you can accommodate.

My baby darling Manasa

Back in those days, stress used to frequently defeat me before Manasa’s birth. The reasons may be anything from official stress or my mom/society’s pressure for a baby or any other personal things.

even if there is no reason, I used be stressed when I did not go to work or sit idle at home. So thank God I was working and that used to help me a lot in relaxing myself. I had a wonderful batch of friends in both the companies I worked post wedding.

After pregnancy I started to work from home and during my 9th month of pregnancy, I quit the job. And when Manasa was 10 months old, I got a call from my old company and they agreed for working from home and so again started to work from home.

Its been more than two and half years now, since I have been staying at home and about stress, not sure where it went. Though many sleepless nights and few occasions when baby is sick are stressful, they come into a different category of stress altogether, not the one which I used to face, back in those days. Though the main reason for me working from home is my hubby, I am glad that I escaped from working mom’s guilt. I could understand the stress and guilt they might face. I am at least free from that, though I get paid lesser.

So I strongly believe that babies make a difference in everyone’s life. Its only because of my dear darling, I am stress-free after she came into my life.

Happiest Day!

Today became a special day for me because I spoked to one of my very my bestest friends.

Anitha… she was my dearest cousin from the childhood. Due to fate, she did a love marriage to a wrong person and her whole life became a mess. I am not going to discuss the details about her life, but then she has seen everything in life within her 30 years of age, which are not supposed to experience by anyone.

As the August began and friendship week started, I kept thinking more about her. And finally today I made myself free to talk to Anitha’s sister, got her number and spoke to her after 13 years.

Though we talked about the bitter things of her life, cried and all that, it was very nice to speak to her. We recollected all happy memories we shared during our childhood. We both understood how much we missed each other. She is sort of settled down in her life, after so much of ups & downs and struggles.

God, pls let her live peacefully at least for the rest of her life.

Theivathirumagal – A Must Watch Movie

This is one of the very rare excellent movies in Tamil. It’s a complete movie with emotions and comedy and without any commercial inclusions like kutthu-songs or fights.

You could read about the movie review in any magazines or websites, am going to record my own experience in this post.

When my nieces called me for the movie, I was actually thrilled to go, because I did not watch movies in theatres since two and half years. As my sister-in-law was there to take care of my baby, I was sort of ready to go but then little ambiguity was also there. As the nieces also forced me, I decided to go and booked the tickets online.

When we were on-the-way to theatre which is at a walkable distance from my place, my conscience was killing me for having left my baby darling at home. But then we just went and saw the movie.

OMG, such an awesome movie! I never expected such a poetic movie in Tamil. I used to wonder when I watched ‘Taare Zameen Par’, whether such kind of movies are possible in Tamil and this movie is an answer for that.

But then similar to TZP, this movie also left me crying from the beginning till the end. Every scene was reminding me my baby darling and as said earlier my conscience was killing me for watching movie by leaving Manasa at home.

After the movie ended, I was in a hurry to go home and I wanted to immediately see my baby. But then my nieces were curious to see Vikram, who came to the theatre and talking to the audience. May be because of age-factor, I was not at all enthusiastic to see him, but then those teen-girls were very excited. So some 15 mins were waste watching him and then finally I forced the girls to return home.

Though my darling searched me just once and then got diverted by my SIL and was playing the rest of the time, I could not accept myself going for the movie. I wanted to hug her tightly and say sorry. I was trying hard to control my cry, but then she was busy with her play and was not coming into my cuddle at all.

Then my husband asked me if going to the movie was so much important for me leaving baby at home. That is all…I could not control me anymore and I burst into tears. I said please don’t question me; I am already depressed by the feeling of leaving baby to watch a movie.

And no need to tell obviously that hereafter I will never leave my darling princess and go anywhere.

Hello everyone, please go and watch the movie. All must experience the movie at least once.

Shocked!

This weekend I went to my mom’s place where I happened to see an old dairy of my dad’s. The dairy was of the year 1984. It had interesting mentions like me joining LKG in lady wellingdon school on June 22nd and relatives came to our place, dad visiting tirupathi, and my bro visiting coimbatore etc etc.

A shocking note was also there that my dad got heart attack on June 18th 1984. My mom says she doesn’t know about it. My dad is like most of the men who never care about their health just for the sake of the pride. I guess that must be the first heart attack and later also he must have had the problem, but he never cared about it. My dad died on 28th Oct 1994 and I remember later we found a medical prescription dated some 15 days earlier the death from somewhere in the shelf. So he had some health issues, but none of us knew about it.

Those days couples were not friendly enough to share the concerns with his partner like these days, so my mom was not aware about it. At least if the children were older and matured enough, they might have taken care of him. Even my eldest bro was just 20 or so and he could not identify and handle my dad’s health back then.

Still I could remember the darkest day of my life and its related scenes. Exactly on the previous night, may be because of some instinct or something, my dad was advising me like I should study well, not to fight with my 2nd bro, listen to moms words etc etc. I used to sleep with my parents, me in the middle. We three used to sleep in a fan-less room, because all three of us doesn’t need a fan on winter days, whereas my 2 bros used to sleep in the other room with a fan. When we went to sleep the previous night, I was about to sleep and my dad covered me into his cuddle. I used to cry even now thinking about it because I stopped his hands and slipped it back because it was disturbing my sleep.

Sigh! Somehow his chapter was over when eldest son was also not settled in any job. He missed all happy occasions like his three children’s wedding, house warming ceremonies, grand children, eldest bro who struggled in life and now comfortably living with family in US.

Even now when I see any son/daughter taking their dad to hospital for check-ups, it used to make me feel guilty that we had no maturity to attend dad’s health. Sigh! Fate is already decided, right?

I wonder how men could ignore about the health issues when a whole family is dependent on him. Though sounds harsh, I would suggest such men not to marry and have children.